ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
