am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
