you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
COCAINE IS GR8
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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