we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
