OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
