My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
