Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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