We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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