well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
