yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This house was built for laser tag.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
