at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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