New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
