Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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