why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I currently don't understand fingers.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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