There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
