Redeem this text for a blowjob
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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