are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
