You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
