Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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