i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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