maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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