Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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