Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
