he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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