just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
