I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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