Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
