Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
