Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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