Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
