It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
