if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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