The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
