Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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