The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
