ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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