Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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