her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
