The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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