I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
