Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
