she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
