Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
