I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
