We're facebook friends in real life
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
