yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
