My nipple is on Facebook.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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