My first STD was from a foam party
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
