Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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