People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
