his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
