I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
