I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
