....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
