talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
