Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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